I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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