was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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