now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
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We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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