just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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