dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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