Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
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Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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