All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize