I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize