If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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