I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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