woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize