Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
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