Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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