Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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