maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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