walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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