the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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