I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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