I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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