just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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