I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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