she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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