Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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