Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize