uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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