The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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