You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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