She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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