I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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