Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize