you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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