i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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