Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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