there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
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He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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