And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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