what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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