She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize