Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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