I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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