now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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