Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
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It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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