im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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