It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
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We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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