I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize