i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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