Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
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We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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