I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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