mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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