And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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