i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the raccoons are back...
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